Decoding the Links Between Late Diagnosed Autism and Religious Trauma
Join me as I elaborate on my approach as a psychologist, helping people explore a potential late autism diagnosis or identity, navigating the impact of religious experiences, or possibly both. Focusing on a persons lived experience, not just diagnostic criteria,
helps us better understand and tease apart these outwardly similar experiences.
Before we begin, It's important to recognize that autism is a diverse spectrum, and the descriptions provided may not capture the experiences of every autistic person.
Moreover, I believe self-diagnosis is valid, and individuals are not obligated to undergo this process with a therapist.
Similarly, the points mentioned may not apply universally to everyone who has experienced religious trauma.
Both autistics and those affected by religious trauma may experience the following:
A sense of not fitting in with others which can create a strong desire to belong. This can lead to always worrying about being rejected, and sometimes, a person might avoid being around people. In both cases, people often like things to be really clear and they have routines they stick to. There can be high anxiety and people may be bothered by things like bright lights or loud noises. Lastly, there can be discomfort with physical intimacy for different underlying reasons. Let’s examine the subtle differences between these two experiences.
A Sense of Not Fitting In and Difficulty Connecting
Autistics:
Navigating social expectations feels like an ongoing puzzle, with invisible standards set by others that everyone else seems to understand effortlessly.
Small talk requires a lot of effort, unlike others who can effortlessly engage in casual conversations.
There is a preference for conversations with a clear purpose or focused on specific areas of interest. They may feel annoyed, bored, or have a hard time jumping into conversation when it is on a topic they have little interest.
***It is important to note that some autistics may not endorse a sense of not fitting in and report having tons of friends. For example, a person being on a sports team, someone attending many work activities with coworkers, or was very active in a church. They may have few interactions with others outside of these structured activities. When someone leaves college they, for the first time in their life, may be confused to why they don’t have friends.
Religious Trauma:
Questioning or rejecting the core beliefs and teachings of their religious group can lead to a fear of standing out. They may start to resist conforming with strict rules and expectations imposed by the group, such as dress codes, lifestyle choices, or other behavioral norms. This non-conforming results in social exclusion or differential treatment.
Beneath this defiance lies a wish for independence and the freedom to make life decisions. They no longer feel comfortable being told what to do and stand out because of that.
A sense of being different is highlighted once people leave their religious group. Having been predominantly socialized within the norms of their religious community, they face challenges when trying to adjust into a broader social setting. For instance, they might be at the beach and notice that they are the only ones wearing long sleeves and a long skirt while everyone else is in swimsuits. They may visually stand out from those around them.
***Again, just like autistics, when I ask people from religious communities if they felt like they didn't fit in when they were younger, they might say no. When I ask about their friends, they often talk about having tons of friends and going to many social events. However, upon closer inspection, it seems that everyone from their church is invited, and no one is left out. It's more like a rule to include everyone than an active choice to be friends. After leaving, they might be puzzled about why they can't make friends easily and do not seem to fit in.
Masking and Fear of Rejection
Autistics:
Autistics may “mask” which is hiding their autistic traits to fit in with others. They actively adjust their natural behavior to seem neurotypical.
When people want to fidget with their hands, they might sit on them to stop themselves from doing it to appear “normal.”They may be punished by teachers, friends, or family when they deviate from neurotypical norms. Punishment can involve withholding love, being excluded, verbal abuse, or physical abuse. For example, parents might hit a child who is stimming or make them eat a food that they find unpleasant due to sensory issues. As an adult, this can look like missed promotions or never being invited to social events, like going to lunch with coworkers.
Religious Trauma:
Just like autistics, there is also a desire to fit in (masking) and conceal their true selves, but the motivations behind them is different. The masking is often shaped by expectations rooted in religious teachings. For instance, if someone is naturally opinionated or emotionally expressive, they may be extremely vigilant about their tone and words when talking with others. There is persistent anxiety about not meeting the group's expectations because that is not their natural way of being.
Similarly to autistics, violating social rules typically incurs consequences, ranging from withholding of affection, exclusion, verbal abuse, or physical abuse. In extreme causes, people are kicked out of the group or organization.
Social Withdrawal
Autistics:
For autistics, being bullied or rejected, can result in a reluctance to socialize. Avoiding people helps them to stay safe from possible harm.
Social environments may become overwhelming due to sensory stimuli such as noise, lights, and crowds.
Being around people can be mentally draining for autistic individuals, particularly when navigating communication challenges. Taking breaks or withdrawing provides an opportunity to recharge.
Unpredictable social situations can be upsetting, leading to withdrawal as a way to avoid uncertainty. Autistic individuals typically prefer routines and may find it challenging to cope with unexpected changes in how people behave or unexpected events.
Autistic people might really like certain hobbies or activities. These things can be more interesting to them than hanging out with others. So, they might choose to spend time on their own interests instead of being social.
Religious Trauma:
As mentioned earlier, when someone's social norms are shaped by a religious setting, they may feel socially awkward or have social anxiety when around others. While learning new norms and customs, they might choose to isolate themselves to avoid feeling embarrassed in social situations due to not knowing the new social expectations.
After leaving a religious group, some people need time and space to heal and figure out who they are outside of that community. Choosing to be alone during this time can be a way to focus on getting better and rediscovering their identity.
Certain social environments or activities may trigger memories or emotions linked to religious trauma. To avoid these triggers, individuals may opt to isolate themselves from situations reminiscent of their traumatic experiences.
Departing a religious community often entails losing a previously close-knit social group. The absence of this supportive community can contribute to feelings of loneliness, making it challenging to connect with new social circles.
Religious trauma can result in feeling judged, ashamed, or condemned in religious groups. People might worry about facing the same judgment or rejection in non-religious settings, so they might avoid socializing.
Religious trauma often includes a betrayal of trust, whether by religious leaders, community members, or the religious system itself.
This loss of trust can create difficulty for individuals in trusting others overall, impacting their ability to form new connections.
Black and White Thinking
Autistics:
For autistics, black-and-white thinking provides a sense of order and predictability. It helps reduce anxiety by providing straightforward rules or guidelines to follow.
There can be a tendency to interpret language literally and a preference for clarity in communication. It can be challenging to process ambiguous information or understand more nuanced situations. This leads to relying on straightforward, rule-based thinking to navigate social interactions.
Some people with autism pay a lot of attention to details and specifics, and this can make it hard for them to understand information in a more flexible or nuanced way.
Religious Trauma:
People like to think in clear, straightforward terms because it matches what the group believes. It makes things feel organized and in line with the group's set of beliefs. Clear, defined rules make it easier for individuals to adhere to prescribed standards, discouraging out-of-the-box thinking.
Having specific rules makes life less confusing. It gives a feeling of certainty and predictability. Seeing things as either good or bad helps process information faster, so there's no need to understand all the details of a situation
Having a clear and simple view helps prevent feeling conflicted or confused. It means there's less need to figure out how conflicting ideas fit together or deal with complicated moral problems. When you don't feel conflicted, you are less likely to question the belief system.
Group leaders or doctrine often decide how decisions are made, making it simpler and discouraging independent thinking when things are not clear. There are consequences for thinking on your own or considering different perspectives.
Routine, Rituals, and Repetitive Behaviors
Autistics:
Following routines can help autistics know what to expect, making things more predictable and less confusing. It also reduces uncertainty and anxiety, especially when dealing with changes. Establishing routines can promote a sense of security in novel situations.
Following a routine helps individuals predict and get ready for sensory experiences, which lowers discomfort or overload. Repetitive behaviors, such as stimming, help autistic individuals manage sensory input by providing a consistent and comforting experience. This can also satisfy the need for visual, auditory, or tactile stimulation.
Having routines helps people with autism manage their daily activities better by giving them a structured plan. This is especially helpful for dealing with challenges in executive functioning.
Transitioning between activities or settings can be challenging. Routines can help make this transition smoother and less stressful by avoiding sudden changes.
Having regular routines makes it easier for people to communicate. It helps them know what to expect and reduces the chances of misunderstandings.
Knowing what to expect and having a set routine can enhance self-esteem and a feeling of self-efficacy.
Religious Trauma :
Certain religious groups often have specific rules and rituals. To be part of the group, you may need to take part in these rituals to show agreement and belief in their principles. When others also participate, it strengthens obedience and conformity within the group.
Familiar routines or rituals help individuals in the group regulate emotions, providing comfort and security to manage stress and uncertainty.
Routines dictate how individuals should spend their days, offering a structured use of time.
Individuals with religious trauma may develop obsessive-compulsive-like symptoms, including repetitive behaviors, as a way to cope with fear or anxieties from traumatic experiences.
Engaging in repetitive behaviors can be an attempt to reclaim control over one's body and actions, as trauma often involves a loss of control, and repetitive behaviors help establish autonomy.
High Levels of Anxiety
Autistics:
Navigating social situations can lead to anxiety for autistics facing difficulties in this area.
Unexpected changes or unpredictable elements in their environment, schedule, or expectations may induce anxiety, disrupting their sense of order and predictability.
Difficulty in expressing and understanding communication can make people feel frustrated and anxious.
Complicated or nuanced situations that don't follow the usual rules can be stressful.
Environments lacking structure can be anxiety-provoking for autistic individuals.
Disruptions to special interests or difficulties in pursuing them suddenly may cause distress and anxiety.
Religious Trauma:
People who have experienced religious trauma often feel guilt and shame. These feelings may intensify when they leave. They may constantly question the choices they make and doubt their overall decision-making ability.
Learning and getting used to new cultural rules and making new friends can make a person feel nervous.
People who went through religious trauma might feel anxious or stressed about their past religious experiences, worrying about punishment or judgment from a higher power.
When someone stops believing in their faith, they may face rejection from family and friends who remain in the group. This can cause anxiety due to the fear of losing close relationships and concerns about their ability to form new ones. The absence of emotional or practical support can heighten feelings of vulnerability and anxiety.
Some groups control members' finances or limit access to external resources. This can cause financial problems when someone leaves and worries about having enough money. Without sufficient resources, it may impact their ability to meet basic needs and make it challenging for them to leave the group.
People are scared of what might happen if they don't follow the rules. They might feel like something bad will happen to them, like going to hell or being punished forever.
Sensory Sensitivities
Autistics:
The way autistic individuals' brains work can make them sensitive to sensory information or have challenges in integrating sensory input.This might involve atypical responses to sensory stimuli, such as heightened sensitivity or difficulty filtering out unimportant information.
Anxiety and stress can make sensory sensitivities worse for autistic individuals. This creates a cycle where they become even more sensitive to sensory things when feeling anxious or stressed.
Religious Trauma:
Experiencing religious trauma can influence how the brain processes sensory information. Consistent stress can lead to changes in the brain.
Smells, sounds, or textures associated with religious events can make people more sensitive to those things, causing emotional or physical reactions.
The connection between the mind and body is strong, and religious trauma may show up in physical responses. Sensory sensitivities might be a way the body expresses unresolved trauma.
People who went through religious trauma might develop sensitivities to their senses as a way to cope. These sensitivities can help manage strong emotions or shield them from things that might bring back bad memories.
Ongoing anxiety and hypervigilance due to religious trauma can keep individuals on high alert for possible threats. This heightened state of awareness may also make them more sensitive to sensory stimuli in their surroundings.
Dissociation, a way the mind copes when feeling overwhelmed, can happen because of religious trauma. Sensory sensitivities might develop as a response to this dissociation, where individuals disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, or surroundings.Physical Intimacy Issues
Discomfort With Physical Intimacy
Autistics:
Many autistic individuals have sensory sensitivities, which can make certain physical sensations overwhelming or uncomfortable. Touch, taste, smell, and other sensory experiences may be heightened, leading to discomfort and a desire to avoid feeling them
New or unpredictable situations, like having physical contact, can be anxiety-inducing. The spontaneity often linked to physical intimacy may be challenging for those who prefer a structured routine.
Special interests may be prioritized over social or intimate interactions, making physical engagement less appealing or interesting.
Religious Trauma:
Religious teachings or practices may instill shame or guilt about sex, framing it as sinful or impure. This can make it difficult for individuals to engage in physical intimacy without negative emotions.
Certain religious teachings might suggest suppressing natural human desires, including sexual ones. Individuals may experience guilt or believe they are morally flawed for finding joy in activities considered sinful.
People who went through religious trauma might struggle with conflicting feelings and thoughts about their own sexuality. This inner conflict can make it hard for them to fully connect in physical intimacy.
Religious teachings that stress modesty or see the body as sinful can make someone feel bad about their body. This negative view can affect how comfortable they are with physical closeness and being open with a partner.
In some religious communities, there may be a lack of emphasis on personal boundaries and consent. As a result they may have a hard time saying 'yes' or 'no,' which can make them feel like they have to do things they're not comfortable with.
Experiencing trauma or being in abusive relationships leaves enduring emotional scars. This makes it tough to trust and form close relationships, especially when being physically intimate with someone.
Can it be both?
Yes, an individual can be both autistic and have experienced religious trauma concurrently. Autistic individuals may adapt well within high control groups, and, for various reasons, they might be more susceptible to seeking a sense of belonging within such environments. (But this is a blog for another day).
Where can I get help figuring it out?
You may have read all of this and are still confused. That is understandable given how similar the two can look at a glance. Here are some tips on finding a therapist who can help you.
Look for a neurodivergent-affirming therapist with experience in addressing religious trauma; finding expertise in both areas may be challenging, but we do exist!
Seek recommendations from online communities or support groups focusing on neurodivergence or religious trauma.
Once you have names, review their online profiles and read reviews. Pay attention to how they discuss neurodivergence and religious trauma. Are they using outdated terms like Aspergers? Are they open about being neurodivergent themselves?
Do you feel that you could connect with the therapist? Would you be able to trust them? The connection between you and your therapist is crucial for effective therapy.
As a neurodivergent therapist who specializes in religious trauma I would be glad to help you understand and tease this apart. you can schedule a free 20-minute video consultation with me to see how I can help. Fill out a contact form, and I'll email you to set it up. (no phone call required). If we're not the right match, I can assist you in creating an action plan and provide guidance in finding another therapist who may be a better fit for you.
With all the training that therapists get why is it hard for them to tease apart?
Training issues: Many clinicians receive general training and may not be well-prepared to assess autism or may overlook checking for religious trauma. Quality trainings can be expensive and may be financially inaccessible for some therapists.
Limited information: If a person with religious trauma does not disclose or is unaware of the trauma, the clinician may not have the complete picture necessary for an accurate diagnosis.
Limited time: Performing a thorough clinical interview takes time, and not every therapist has the availability and not every client can give the time or money for these extended sessions.
Limited Resources: Peer reviewed assessment measures cost money. Not every clinician, nor client can afford to pay for them.
Inadequate measures: The current measures we have for autism miss so many individuals. Additionally, only a few assessments address religious trauma.
Need some more time before diving into therapy?
It's okay to take the time to contemplate this decision.
Trusting someone can feel overwhelming.
In the meantime, you can start your exploration by delving into more details about religious trauma. Simply click the button below to discover valuable information on this subject.
This page has links to online articles, podcasts, and online support groups. Reading this information can help you see that you are not alone and you are not crazy for having the struggles that you do.
When you are ready to talk with someone feel free to circle back around and I would be glad to help
About the author: Dr. Henry is a late diagnosed neurodivergent psychologist who specializes in working with late diagnosed autism and ADHD. In addition, she has a specialization in helping individuals recover from religious trauma and spiritual abuse. She provides online counseling for clients in 38 states across the United States.
